Euro 2004 is coming.

And I have absolutely no hope whatsoever about England's chances - not because I now live in Scotland (where I have to keep my mouth shut a bit), but because I think we are rubbish. We should make it through the group in second place behind our allies over the Channel, but then we will probably play Portugal... and the stas don't lie: the host country always gets through to the semi final. Bah!

Play it all out on the excel spreadsheet available here.